Does it bother you to think that your partner may have had other sexual partners before you? It is time to examine your feelings about it before a conflict arises in your relationship.
The emphasis on virginity
Many cultures around the world place a lot of importance on virginity; a virgin man or a woman who has never had sex. Many cultures believe that a person should be a virgin till they get married, and that their first (and only) sexual partner should be their spouse. The absence of virginity is seen as a sign of immoral character and a loss of the family’s honour.
How to know if a girl is a Virgin:
A woman’s virginity is measured by whether she bleeds during the first time of sexual intercourse – this happens when her hymen (a thin membrane of skin inside the vagina) ruptures on penetrative intercourse.
However, there are many problems with this concept. Firstly, the hymen may rupture even due to intense sports, or due to a genetic condition, or masturbation. Secondly, ‘sex’ can also constitute fondling and oral sex without actual penetration. So technically, a person who has had oral sex but not peno-vaginal sex is not a virgin – or are they? Conservative cultures insist on women undergoing virginity tests to ascertain if the woman that they wish their son to marry is an honourable woman. The virginity test entails checking for an intact hymen. Sexually active women who may wish to get married in this traditional fashion may then undergo a discreet hymen reconstruction surgery so as to avoid the complications arising from her husband finding out about her non-virgin status.
But here’s the thing about women and vaginas: a woman’s “tightness” has absolutely nothing to do with the amount of sex they have or haven’t had. The vaginal walls are a muscle and they’re incredibly elastic; after all, they’re designed to let a baby pass through. Your penis ain’t the size of a baby, no matter how many times you’ve put it in someone. To put it another way: think of all the times you’ve eaten food. Sometimes it’s been as small as piece of popcorn. Other times it’s been something large enough that you’ve had to unhinge your jaw like a snake. Has your mouth stretched out of shape? No. No it has not.
There are three things that affect vaginal tightness: childbirth, arousal and specific exercises involving the pelvic floor. The vagina does, in fact, get stretched during child-birth, but (in younger women anyway) it re-tightens post-partum. After around six to eight months, a woman’s vagina feels the same it did before. Women in their late 30s and 40s can have issues due to age affecting the elasticity of the muscles and women who’ve had many, many children can seriously fatigue the vaginal muscles. But again I would remind you: it doesn’t matter how big your penis (or anyone’s really) may or may not be, it’s not as big as a baby.
Arousal is another set of circumstances that can affect vaginal tightness. See, a tight vagina is NOT a sign of sexual inexperience, it’s a sign that she’s not aroused. Arousal causes the vaginal muscles to relax and open to better accommodate an erect penis and facilitate impregnation. So a woman whose vagina is open and well-lubricated is a woman who’s very aroused while a woman who’s tight is one who’s tense, not in the mood or dealing with someone who sees foreplay as “brace yourself, I’m going in.”
And while we’re at it: a hymen or lack thereof is no indicator of virginity either. Many women won’t have a hymen, or barely have one in the first place. Other times, it may have been torn through simply being active and athletic. So that’s not a reliable indicator of virginity either.
Is your fiancee a virgin? Who knows. And to be perfectly frank, does it really matter that much to you? You’re starting a relationship with this woman and having a successful marriage means putting in effort.
Starting things off by calling her a liar and slut-shaming her? That’s really not a great beginning to a marriage.
How to know if a guy is a virgin:
While some boys will talk as though they’ve had plenty of sexual experience when they actually haven’t, there are also some boys who will say they’re virgins when they’re not. How do you know for sure if a boy is a virgin when there is no physical, tangible way to tell? There are some behaviors that may point to a boy being a virgin, but when it comes down to it, trusting what he says on the matter may be the most reliable thing you have
Men are virgins too and even though neither’s virginity should be a matter of concern, here are top five signs women should look out for to know if the man is a virgin:
QUICK ORGASM: Since orgasms during sex can be way more intense than during masturbation, virgin males are bound to have a quick, unregulated orgasm. If you have been with a guy who climaxed too fast, chances are he may have been a virgin.
MAY BLEED: YES. It’s not only the women. Turns out, during manhood, a minute percentage of men have tight foreskin which may end up bleeding during intercourse. It won’t be bleeding ounces of blood, but a little red will be out.
Clueless in bed
CLUELESS IN BED: If the man you are with is clueless in bed in terms of hand movements, what to do next, gets jitters while you get naked, there is a pretty strong chance that he is a virgin. An experienced being will have no problem whatsoever.
Does not know what foreplay is
DOES NOT KNOW WHAT FOREPLAY IS: Foreplay is extremely important for sex if you wish to attain maximum pleasure out of it. If the man you are with has no idea what foreplay is, this is probably the first time he’s doing this.
AWKWARD: No communication in bed? This is another classic sign of male virginity. Awkwardness can be there for new partners but if the man is awkward about you being naked and what should be his next step, this may be the first time he’s testing the waters.
Good luck. And write back to let us know how you’re doing.